CHAPTER ONE - Introduction
There is no one in the world who can influence the life and future of your children like you can.
You, the parent, are your child’s first teacher and guidance counselor. How you treat your children, and the examples you set in your behavior, educates them about life. No matter how old your children, there is real power in being a parent! If you do not use this power, or if you misuse it, children can feel worthless, insecure and not able to learn and achieve their full potential. Then their attitudes and behaviors will work against their education and their success in dealing with life.
"In writing this book for you–my fellow parents–I am drawing upon my more than 30 years of experiences as a clinical child psychologist and as the founder and director of one of our country’s most influential parenting and parenting education organizations, the nonprofit Center for the Improvement of Child Caring (CICC)" - Kerby T. Alvy
Yes, it’s true–you are not the only force that shapes your children’s lives. Their own biology has a lot to do with how they grow and react, and they are under other influences all the time. But you can have a say about how these other forces affect your children. You can help them understand and evaluate the people they meet. You can guide them in analyzing what they see and hear on television, the movies, in songs, and on the Internet.
You can also manage their exposure to such forces in such a way that it supports rather than detracts from the quality of life you want in your family. You can also help your with the second most important influence in their lives–their school. You can prepare your children to take advantage of what schools have to offer. You can work in partnership with their schools so your children get the best possible education– which gives them the best preparation for life.
"For over 20 years, my wife, Mary, and I have had the privilege of raising our daughters, Lisa and Brittany (and facing all of the challenges of being parents in the current era of AIDS and technology). What they taught us about the realities of their lives in the middle and upper middle class communities where our family has lived, and how they reacted to our love, commitment, and parenting practices--all have influenced what I believe, know and teach about raising children." - Kerby T. Alvy
In the second chapter of this book, you will learn more about the challenges of raising children in the 21st century. Many of these challenges are byproducts of the high cost of living, and of high divorce and remarriage rates. Other challenges have to do with the AIDS epidemic and an explosion of sexually transmitted diseases. And, as has been indicated, some of the challenges that you face in your parenting emanate from children’s exposure to television and films, and their use of the Internet and other technological advances.
In addition, pressures to use tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs pose special challenges and risks. Many of these are of a life threatening nature.
In Chapter Three, you will learn the reasons why most people become parents and you will see if these motivations and circumstances match your own. You will also gain a fuller appreciation of all you do for and on behalf of your children. Chapter Three also includes what research studies with parents and children from all backgrounds have to say about what is helpful and what is harmful in raising children.
"[My] experiences have included conducting psychotherapy with children and families in affluent communities and within inner-city settings, such as at the community mental health center that serves the Watts area in south Los Angeles. There and at CICC, it has been my pleasure to have created many parenting education programs and classes and to have seen hundreds of thousands of parents enrich their own and their children’s lives through participating. I am, of course, also drawing upon my experiences as a parent. "- Kerby T. Alvy
In addition, this chapter describes two of the major ways that parents influence children, through modeling and through the use of consequences. You will be able to use this knowledge to help you understand your current situation with your children and to enact changes or improvements in your relationships with them.
In Chapter Four, you will find 16 guidelines for raising healthy, happy, and successful children. Many of these guidelines emerge from the research on effective parenting and address the realities and challenges of raising children in contemporary times. Each guideline contains examples of the skills and practices that are involved in carrying them out with children. These guidelines work with all children of all races, in all places. Take them to heart. Apply them to your own parenting. Your power as a parent will help your child become the best that he or she can be.
Chapter Five provides an opportunity to learn more about understanding and parenting children with special needs and disabilities. It begins by answering the question, “What is a special need?” Here you will learn the definitions used by health professionals who have the responsibility of helping special needs children and their families. The areas of child development on which they focus and the value of accurate diagnoses receive coverage, as does the importance of identifying and helping these children as early in life as possible. The officially recognized types of special needs and disabilities are listed and briefly described, with three types receiving more extended coverage: autism, attention deficit, and learning disabilities. A major resource for learning more about special needs children and how best to manage the child rearing challenges they present is also provided.
"A previous version of many of the ideas and guidelines of this book appeared in a brief booklet I wrote called The Power of Positive Parenting. The thousands of parents who read that booklet and shared their reactions with the researchers found it to be very helpful. Some indicated that it was the manual that should come with each child, a mini-bible for parents, and that it changed their entire approach to raising their children. Others believed it confirmed and reinforced what they were already doing with their children, and they appreciated knowing that they were on the right track."- Kerby T. Alvy
Chapters Six, Seven and Eight are devoted to the community, Internet and other resources and services that are helpful to all parents.
Chapter Six provides practical information about how to use and advocate for the best parenting and family skill-building pro grams for your community. These are the modern ways of learning how to be the best parent possible, as they teach the skills that research has found to be helpful in successfully raising children.
Chapter Seven describes a sample of the best programs, so you will know what to expect when you take advantage of what they have to offer.
In Chapter Eight you will learn how to easily access a myriad of other helpful community services, as well as how to make good use of television, parenting magazines and newspapers, and the Internet. In the concluding chapter, you will learn that your power as a parent, when it is used wisely, not only benefits you, your children, and your family, but also society as a whole.
You will also learn about an exciting National Effective Parenting Initiative (NEPI) in which you, your family, and your community can play significant roles. In writing this book for you–my fellow parents–I am drawing upon my more than 30 years of experiences as a clinical child psychologist and as the founder and director of one of our country’s most influential parenting and parenting education organizations, the nonprofit Center for the Improvement of Child Caring (CICC).
Those experiences have included conducting psychotherapy with children and families in affluent communities and within inner-city settings, such as at the community mental health center that serves the Watts area in south Los Angeles. There and at CICC, it has been my pleasure to have created many parenting education programs and classes and to have seen hundreds of thousands of parents enrich their own and their children’s lives through participating. I am, of course, also drawing upon my experiences as a parent.
For over 20 years, my wife, Mary, and I have had the privilege of raising our daughters, Lisa and Brittany (and facing all of the challenges of being parents in the current era of AIDS and technology). What they taught us about the realities of their lives in the middle and upper middle class communities where our family has lived, and how they reacted to our love, commitment, and parenting practices--all have influenced what I believe, know and teach about raising children.
Lisa and Brittany are doing marvelously in all phases of their lives, and have been considered by their teachers and peers to be good and kind people. They have also excelled in many ways, and continue to do so in their early twenties. Mary and I are very proud parents, and how we brought the girls up had something to do with that. So you know you are reading the work of someone who has dedicated his life to studying the art of parenting and a person who loves children.
A previous version of many of the ideas and guidelines of this book appeared in a brief booklet I wrote called The Power of Positive Parenting. The thousands of parents who read that booklet and shared their reactions with the researchers found it to be very helpful. Some indicated that it was the manual that should come with each child, a mini-bible for parents, and that it changed their entire approach to raising their children. Others believed it confirmed and reinforced what they were already doing with their children, and they appreciated knowing that they were on the right track.
I hope that your response to this book length version will be equally as illuminating and reinforcing!
Click here to read some of the many endorsements and reviews givenThe Positive Parent by parents, professionals, parenting educators and others.
